Dear Summer 08'...Letting Go is so hard to do
Why is letting go so hard? Letting go of your comfort zone to take a risk. I used to be all about taking risks. Unstable was my middle name. I couldn't spend a year in a place, whether that was in a city, school, house. Uncalculated risk was the name of the game. I wonder how I did it.
No fear whatsoever. I often made decisions and acted on them within 48 hours, regardless of how many people thought I was crazy. Somehow, all of that didn't matter. I had strong conviction in my decisions. Little did I know, that would all change. From 2004 to 2008 without realizing, I was learning stability. I had a steady job for four years, I lived in the same city for four years. I was happy somewhat, to had finally found that things were constant in my life.
I think I enjoyed it so much that I became comfortable and I had quickly forgotten what it meant to take risks without fear. Without doubt. Never doubting that risk taking had to improve my current situation. During those times, the risks I took had to work for me, there was no plan B. I never planned , I relied on my instinct and my conviction that I would be alright.
Was being unstable that bad? I think it taught me a lot. Maybe its finding a balance between stability and unstability. I seek now to find the person I once was, the person who so easily could let go without being afraid of what may come. The person who believed that everything would work out accordingly.
I write this in hopes that I bring back the Daniella I once was. I am ready to let go and know that it will all work out. I let go of those that dont deserve my time. I let go of those who helped shapped the woman I am, knowing they will always be a part of me. I let go of comfort knowing that outside of comfort comes growth.
Most importantly, I find a part of me which I should have never lost, the part that knows no matter what- that I will achieve everything exactly how I imagined. The part that trusts that, everyone who truly understands and supports me will be by my side.
If you guys are reading this, I want you to know that I am forever grateful for the woman you have helped me become and I hope to know and grow with you the rest of my life. More than my associates you are family to me. A bit dramatic, maybe but I write this for myself so that I can work through my emotions, not for you who read this.